Noodle flavour: Beef. I'm having a bit of trouble working out what "Sogokimyun" translates to. The ever accurate Google Translate "detects Japanese" when I type it in and translates it to the gorgeously poetic "English" of "Discrepancy Mün" a phrase which I believe was initially coined by Joseph Conrad to describe the disappointment of a lover met through Tinder.
Country of origin: Korea, S. I'm going to take this category out. It's not that interesting.
Cooking instructions: All instructions fix ace whom tutor (3,4,5). Probably going to ditch this category too, actually.
Flavour packet: One. It's big but it's no Laksa La Mian
Overall: "I have a big beef!" announced tennis bad boy Jeff Tarango, before stalking off court at the 1995 Wimbledon Championships, an act later described by David Foster Wallace* as an "unfortunate psychotic breakdown".
Obviously Jeff, didn't actually have a big steak or indeed any part of cow meat on court with him, he was merely furious at the umpire who had called his serve out, Bruno** Rebeuh and then penalised him when he later shouted "shut up" to the crowd. He ended up defaulting the match and afterwards, his then-wife Benedicte ended up slapping Rebeuh in the face, twice.
Well, please, if you will, now imagine a packet of dried noodles as Jeff Tarango. "I've got big beef (flavor ramen)" they announce on the court that is Instant Noodling's grading system.
However, unlike Jeff Tarango, they had nothing to back it up. In flavour terms, on a different type of court, the court of public opinion, these noodles clearly do not have a Benedicte. They scream out with that big beef flavour pack, but they lack a slap, punch or even any great depth at all***. If they then walked out, no one would care.
The noodles themselves, like a man who refuses to clear out all his albums by The Alarm, retain their strength but that's the best you can say about them. The flavouring lets them down and they're not that great to begin with.
If these noodles were a crime novel they'd be: Something I read on Kindle Unlimited and have forgotten about already.
Noodle rating: Discrepancy Mün
* Entitled "Look at Me I'm Totally Normal, I Write About Sport" or something like that.
** Bruno was in fact a decent tennis player in his day, his baseline game was immortalised in Bruce Willis's album The Return Of Bruno.
*** I'd like to mix this metaphor further and say that "perhaps this like Jeff's forehand" but to be honest, I can't remember much about his play anyhow, because let's be honest, even with Benedicte, Jeff was at best run-of-the-mill on the tour with a career-high ranking of 42. He split up from Benedicte too.
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